By Brandon Lemons

The Bible is incredibly relevant to how we live – which is valuable to know because God wants us to flourish! God wants us to have a solid identity, joy and hope, life-giving relationships, and wisdom to navigate life’s challenges!
One way the Bible’s relevance plays out is in how to relate to others in a world that is filled with tension and animosity.
In Sunday’s installment of the “Big Buts” series, we looked at an account of the apostle Paul in Athens. It is found in Acts 17:16-34. I briefly mentioned that we should note Paul’s demeanor as he interacted with people who disagreed with his beliefs. While it’s easy to become defensive and argumentative when people disagree with us, Paul remained calm and respectful. They even mocked him, calling him a “babbler”! Yet rather than returning insult for insult, Paul was intentional to dialogue with them in ways they could understand. The direct result was that a handful of people turned to Jesus! Another result is that he provides us with a powerful illustration of how to interact with people when they disagree with us.
I’m certain we all have people who disagree with us, and vice versa. It may be about politics or how to raise children. The disagreements may be about spiritual beliefs or moral values. Or maybe we invite someone to church, and they decline by asserting one of the “big buts” we are studying in the sermons, such as “But Christians are too political” or “But the church has done so much harm.” In all of these cases – anytime we are in a disagreement or sticky situation – how we respond and how we interact make a world of difference!
I’m going to share four Bible passages that demonstrate how God calls us to interact with others, especially when there is a disagreement. It is important to pay close attention to what God says on these topics, because our world often exhibits other, more destructive, ways of handling contentious situations.
Be Intentional to Interact Wisely
Colossians 4:5-6 says, “Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
It is easy to speak our mind before considering what is best to say or how to say it. But Paul exhorts us to “be wise” – specifically as we interact with “outsiders.” Paul is probably using the term “outsiders” to refer to non-Christians, yet the term “outsiders” points to a broader application as well. The idea that someone is an “outsider” means they are different than us; we probably disagree with them on important topics.
Paul says Christians do not have the right to speak or act however we feel like. It is not a Christian virtue to “speak your mind” in a thoughtless, reckless, or hurtful manner. When interacting with others – especially when there are differences or tensions – we must interact with intentional wisdom that is shaped by grace as well as “salt.” In this verse, “salt” means pointing people to Jesus, and the surrounding context instructs us to do so with grace and wisdom.
So the first tactic for interacting in tense situations is to do so intentionally, seeking to apply wisdom, with the aim of representing Jesus well.
Interact with Gentleness and Respect
Writing to Christians who were suffering severe persecution, the apostle Peter said: “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.” (1 Peter 3:15-16)
This passage begins by highlighting the importance of prioritizing Jesus above all else. He is to be our highest allegiance, our greatest source of hope and guidance.
As we interact with others, especially as we seek to point them to Jesus, do so “with gentleness and respect.” This can be a tough pill to swallow when we would rather snap back at them with anger. But gentleness and respect help keep the lines of communication open; gentleness and respect help to calm tense situations; gentleness and respect enable us to honor Christ and love the other person, even if they continue disagreeing with us. We can’t control the response of another person, but we should strive to have a “clear conscience” in how we are treating them, which isn’t possible if we resort to name-calling, angry outbursts, personal attacks, or by slandering them to others.
Refuse to be Quarrelsome
People like Jesus and Paul knew there will be people who oppose Christians. With this in mind, the older, experienced Paul instructed the younger minister Timothy, “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth.” (2 Timothy 2:24-25)
This is one of my favorite passages when it comes to relating to oppositional people. It’s tempting to try to aggressively “put them in their place.” But Paul gives a series of instructions that point us in a different direction: “be kind to everyone,” “able to teach,” “not resentful,” “gently instructed.” This doesn’t mean Christians should passively surrender to the viewpoints of others; on the contrary, Paul calls for Christians to hold their ground but to do so in a winsome way.
Paul specifically instructs us to refuse to be “quarrelsome.” To be quarrelsome means that a person easily gets into quarrels and even starts them on a regular basis. They love to bicker, to argue, to fight and win. This is not a Christian demeanor.
One of the practical applications of not being quarrelsome is to choose not to fight every battle. Not every disagreement must become a hill to die on. There are many disagreements that we can simply let pass; on the bigger disagreements that must be addressed, the way we do so makes a world of difference!
Entrust Frustrations to God
In our broken world, it is inevitable that no matter how hard we try, there will be unresolved tensions and even broken relationships. In those instances, the apostle Paul’s wisdom from Romans 12:17-21 is extremely relevant: “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.… Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
We cannot control the response of others. But we can control our own actions and words. Toward this end, Paul says: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” If we have done everything we can, there’s nothing more we can do (besides praying, and even prayer doesn’t always resolve a contentious situation). In those instances, when our best efforts fail to heal a broken relationship or fail to right a wrong, or when there is a frustration that is completely beyond our control, it is vital to entrust our frustration to God. Trust that if something needs to be addressed or punished or corrected, He will do it. And besides, He will do a better job at it than we can. This reality frees us to love people and move on rather than feeling the need to take revenge or hold a grudge.
Is our goal to point people toward Jesus or win an argument?
Our society is highly contentious. This isn’t entirely new, because people have struggled relationally down through history.
God calls Christians to rise above quarrelsome mentalities and instead to love people like Jesus has loved us. There are certainly times we need to speak up or take specific actions. But remember: When we are in tense situations, or when there is a topic that ought to be addressed, it’s valuable to ask ourselves, “How can I use my words, actions, and attitudes to point people to Jesus?” Or at the least, we should consider, “How can I make sure, to the best of my ability, that my words, actions, and attitudes don’t push people away from Jesus?” Reflecting again on Colossians 4:5-6 (the first passage we examined above), thinking in these ways is vital for interacting wisely and letting our allegiance to Christ shape everything we do.
At the end of the day, is our goal to point people toward Jesus or win an argument? Like Paul demonstrated in Athens, there are many topics that are worth addressing rather than sweeping under the rug. But the way we address topics makes a massive difference in the outcome of the situation and, even more importantly, in people’s perception of Jesus.
One of the wonderful outcomes of living according to Scripture’s teaching on these topics is that it leads to increasingly healthy and life-giving relationships with those around us…which should be motivation enough, in addition to the way it can lead people toward Christ!
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